Are You a Bad Neighbor?

By Frank Filocomo

 

In Front Porch Republic, Nishon Schick penned a thoughtful article, "Confessions of a Bad Neighbor." 

Schick wasn't someone who blared loud music at 3:00AM or engaged in verbal altercations with her neighbors, rather, she was reticent and reserved, closed off from the community. 

She writes that, on one occasion, her roommates accused her of, among other things, being "anti social."

I found this line to be instructive: "A new family moved in, who are 'good neighbors.' That is, they keep to themselves and don’t play loud music."

So, that's it? "Good neighbors" are typified by their inconspicuousness and low volume? 

The short answer: no. 

Neighbors are community-members who should feel as though it is their obligation and duty to look out for each other. 

Non-participation in one's community is, in effect, a tacit rejection of said community. 

Schick gives an example of some truly good neighbors she once had, though she didn't appreciate their kindness and hospitality at the time:

They were friendly in a way I could not understand. They invited me to sit on the porch with them and the other neighbors who lived on our block. They offered to fill the empty beds in front of my apartment with flowers. Without asking, they filled our shared porch with plants in beautiful stone pots. I didn’t know how to respond to any of this, so instead I started to avoid them. I stayed inside if I heard them out front. I kept my head down if I did have to leave my house.

For many years, I too have been a bad neighbor. Like, Schick, it wasn't my raucousness that made me a bad neighbor; it was my inwardness.  

There's one older gentleman in my building - a slight, unassuming man - whom I've never exchanged more than a passing "hello" with. Recently, I ran into him at the local pub. With timidity, I started conversation with him. He took well to it, and we drank beer together and chatted for 30-minutes or so. I felt silly about the whole thing. "I should have introduced myself ages ago," I thought. "Why am I so closed off?" 

While, you certainly don't have to become acquainted with every single one of your neighbors, it's good to make more of an effort. Even casual small talk in the elevator - say, about the weather - isn't a bad first step. 

Being quiet and keeping to yourself does not necessarily make you a "good neighbor."